Saturday, June 2, 2012
I guess a lot of people with CF is faced with the word, death. When you talk with a person with CF, whether it be online or in person (which it never should be), one of the first questions that gets asked is "what age are you?". It probably stems from the short lifespan that is usually faced with CF.
I know that I have been told that I'm "defying the odd" plenty of times. Doing what I'm doing, and staying so well. But the thing is, I'm still reminded by death a lot of times. Not entirely sure as to why, because my date of death, due to CF, seems like a long way away (I predict). In the last few years, it has become more prevalent, and this could be due to joining the CF forums, and talking with more people with CF from email, Facebook, Twitter, or on this. Is it a good thing that i talk to people with CF? I lasted just over 20 years without talking to one. Is it psychologically better. The fact your not reminded of having this disease. I know I have to take medication, 20-30 tablets a day, nebulisers, and that should be enough to remind me that I have CF. I know no different from that, and it's a normal day for me to do this. So it doesn't really remind me, but thinking of people who email, or people I know who have CF that are friends with me on Facebook. This is what reminds me that I have CF, and it's not going away. Is it a bad thing? Ignorance is bliss type attitude. Get on with what I have to do, and turn a blind eye to everyone else with CF. I can't really answer that.
I'm not afraid of dying what so ever, but I think of people who are around me and what they might feel. Is this the attitude that people who have a shortened life feel? I'm going to stop for a second......I don't plan on dying in the next 50 years, just in case you think I'm giving up on fighting this pain in the arse of a disease. I'm just thinking out loud, and putting it down on here. The way I write this is, what comes to my mind there and then. So most my posts don't have any structure to them. I put a heading down and write. The reason for this post is that I was watching the Bucket List and realised that I could be in that boat, and many people with CF are faced with that dilemma.
To date, this has to be the most morbid post. I'm not in a depressing humour. In fact, I'm in a very happy place. Work is going well, my running has picked up, family is doing well and Yaz is still in my life. So I don't have anything to be depressed about. I don't think I have ever been depressed. I don't even know where I'm going with this paragraph....or entire story. I was going to write about other stuff that just happened in the last 2 weeks but it's not a great story, but I will come back to it and talk about it at a later date.
I will leave this post with this. I will be on TV in about 2-3 weeks on RTÉ. it's about a documentary on Olympians going to London. It's called London's Calling. RTÉ came to the clinic to record one of the athletes that comes to get treated, Ciaran O Lionard (10th in the World last year), who is running the 1500m at the Olympics.
I will let yous know when I find out when it's going on TV