Sunday, May 29, 2016

Seeing A New Decade

Turning 30 seems like it should be a big deal. Turning 30 and having CF should be an even bigger deal. I would be lying if I said it didn't hit me at all. A few months leading up to my 30th i realised that I was going to be 20 years older then what my parent were told. Even that amount of years between when I should have died until now. 20 years is a long time to live with CF. 
I have always had big goals. In fact, I am never really satisfied with what I have set out to do. This is something I need to change. Appreciating the big and the small achievements in my life. I do think that a lot of highly motivated individuals don't really appreciate what they have done. I don't know when enough is enough. I don't even know fully what my goals are. I don't really set goals per say. I just have ambitions that I want to achieve. I think an ambition and a goal is different. A goal is something you want. An ambition is something you have a burning desire for. As if you were born with this fire inside your belly that needs to be followed. I have ambitions rather then goals. Of course, I have goals. One of which was to run a sub 40 for 10km. I set this time a month before the race. A month before the race I was coughing up a lot of blood. A month before that I had my first seizure in 3 years. I lost a lot of weight. I dropped from 60kg to 53kg in about 3 weeks. I was in Kenya at the time and its very hard to keep weight on over there. Not because the food is bad. Its because the food is very healthy and you are living at 2500m above sea level. You burn more calories doing nothing. So I didn't really have ideal preparations for the race. As you can see in the video, I ran under 40minutes and felt quite good doing so. I was more happy I bet Spiderman!!!

Anyway, 36 is the average life expectancy in Ireland for CF. Although, 27 is the average age of death. Not sure what the difference is. I've passed one of them, the next is 36. I know Ireland has the lowest life expectancy in the world for CF. I think the highest is Sweden, which is 50(ish). I suppose thats a goal. Its not an ambition as I only realised a few years ago that I really cared about age and CF. 
Everyone says turning 30 is ok. It's like they are trying to reassure me that its ok getting old. I actually look forward to turning a new age. Especially turning a new decade. It means I'm a year older then what I should have been. Im also another year without going into hospital and another year never being on IVs. I am not sure how I will be when/if that day comes. I try not to think about it but it does scare me a little knowing that it could happen and the idea of going into hospital with that needle going into my arm gives me a shiver. If you have CF and are reading this then don't take offence to this. I have just never experienced it and its something I have worked obsessively hard to not experience. 

I will leave you with that. I had a great birthday and heres to many more!!! 


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